She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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