She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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