how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
