cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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