at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
