apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
