Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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