She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She even gives head with a lisp.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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