this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
