She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We need to get me chipped asap
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
