boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
