y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
