If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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