yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
