I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
