So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
