I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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