i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
