Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
