i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
