Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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