You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize