I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
