was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
