How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
