can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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