You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
