i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
