all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
