I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
