He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
