Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
