...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
