the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I could make wine with my vomit
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize