It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
