god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize