just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
