Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
