oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
