Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
