:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
