oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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