Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
