woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just pee around me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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