No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
