it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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