I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
