those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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