you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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