Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
