Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
