Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
