Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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