So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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