And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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