you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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