He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
