I think I won the penis lottery.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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