Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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