this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
