Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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