So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
