Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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